photo credit: foundphotoslj
I’m a stay at home mom. I’m also a freelance writer. That means sometimes I have to choose between mopping the floor and finishing an article. Nap time is about working on my pieces, not folding laundry. It’s not a 9-5 job, which is fine since I’m not a 9-5 girl.
But that often means I don’t get respect for what I do. Even in my own house.
When BlueMilk wrote about her husband’s teasing her for writing instead of tidying, it brought up my biggest issue with Michael. His idea that, no matter how much money I make or where I get published, I’m “playing” on the computer. And always, always, my “playing” should come second to being a SAHM.
It’s part cultural lack of respect for those not in a 9-5 job, and part assumption that sparkling clean counters should be my first priority. And it frustrates me that no matter how much he gets so many important issues, there’s still this.
When he walks in, and I’m on the computer half through an article that’s due tomorrow morning, he doesn’t even have to say it. He glances at the laundry in the chair, looks at me, and gives the look I’ve come to know so well. Even when he doesn’t say it, I know he’s thinking it. “Playing”.
It becomes especially true when my work doesn’t look like work to him. A client wants me to write about fire alarms, which I know next to nothing about, so I spend an hour reading articles and watching videos. To me this is research, which is part of work. To him, it’s goofing off.
“Don’t you have an article to write, instead of watching videos on YouTube?” he quips, eyes rolling.
And no matter how I explain it, my work is not real work. It’s playing, goofing off, and avoiding the real job of cleaning house. You know, the job I don’t get paid for or credit for and he’s perfectly capable of doing too. Which he does, frequently, and often better than me. But there’s this feeling of guilt left in the air. And I start to feel like I’m goofing off, making him fold the towels since I’m just too lazy to.
Where lazy = tight deadline and honey can you help since I can’t get much written during the day with the kids.
The reality is, except on his days off I do a ton. Sure, I kick back when he’s here because the load can be more evenly split. But while he’s at work, I’m a multitasking fool. I read stories and email editors. I clean messes and reply to emails. I use stuck on the couch breastfeeding time to reply to jobs and write drafts. I use nap time to clean, write, and play with Evan one-on-one.
On Friday I managed to wash and put away towels, sweep and mop the kitchen, transplant strawberry plants to bigger pots, look up information on Native Americans with Evan, made homemade muffins, read Chicka Chicka Boom Boom 5 times, play blocks with all three kids, and still got articles written and sent to 3 different clients. So no, I didn’t get the sheets out of the washer and into the dryer yet. Does that mean I played around all day? Or only anytime I sit down with the computer?
I’m a mom that works from home. I manage to balance the mom and the work stuff pretty well. But often, that means the home gets left behind. My work is still real work.
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Freelancing vs. Tradition « Maureen Alley's Blog
on Jul 12th, 2010
@ 8:42 AM:
[...] by maureen under Working, writing Freelancing vs. Tradition// // Today I read a blog post about the life of a freelancing mom, and how her work isn’t often viewed as work by her man. That struck a cord with me. Not [...]
Hillary
on Jul 12th, 2010
@ 9:52 AM:
I really appreciate this. i get super defensive/frustrated when my hubby asks me “whatcha doing” when I’m on the computer. Seems harmless, but it’s usually laced with an underhanded emotion that means “shouldn’t you be doing something else.”
I’m working towards creating income for myself in a non-traditional setting and even though he is so supportive of that he has these moments where he “forgets” that this is all part of a bigger package–a bigger goal. It doesn’t help that he’s not into writing or the computer or social media. He just doesn’t get it and that can feel frustrating to me.
Jana
on Jul 12th, 2010
@ 11:18 AM:
Thanks for writing this post. I work outside the home as a teacher and get really frustrated with the full-time work out and in the home. My husband too helps with the kids, laundry, cleaning etc. but a lot still falls on my plate. I try to remember to communicate my needs and frustrations as much as possible, and listen to his. Doesn’t always work, but when it does it is much more peaceful.
Best of luck with the writing and balancing all the important things you do at home!
Sevan
on Jul 17th, 2010
@ 2:54 PM:
Very very frusterating indeed!
Sevan´s last blog ..Adult tutus are loaded in the Etsy shop!