When the boys were little they frequently ran around the house naked. This became especially true as they got older, closer to using the toilet, and able bodied enough to just strip down on their own.
There was plenty of touching going on, trying to figure out what that extra thing down there was and what the hell is going on. I mostly took it in stride, letting them enjoy being a naked toddler running around. It was all just part of the process of growing and learning, and I worried that stopping it at such a young age would cause some body shame and fear. So they were naked, they touched, and when they got old enough we explained why some things are supposed to be covered in public and why you can’t walk around with your hands down your pants.
Hey, that’s just life with a boy.
And then I had a daughter. Who is now old enough to take off her pants and/or diaper. And I’ll admit, the sight of her fat tush as she tries to run after her brothers is the cutest damn thing ever. But there are times when she does exactly what her brothers used to do. She plops down, legs out, and tries to figure out what the hell down there keeps make her diapers get wet.
And that makes me uncomfortable.
I don’t like that it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like that I’ve been fed the “women’s bodies are shameful” garbage so much that my toddler daughter’s nudity makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like that my brain immediately sees her actions as “wrong” when it is no different from what her brothers did. Despite being perfectly aware that it is a normal, developmental stage in toddler, my knee-jerk reaction is to put her diaper back on and redirect her.
I want to raise her to love her body. To not be ashamed or afraid, to not believe that her body has the magical powers to turn good men evil and so should be hidden away from view. I want her to scoff at the idea that she should cover up, or be more discrete, or change her appearance for someone else.
So, for her, I have to get over my personal hangups about gender and nudity. I have to unlearn to see the female body as the domain of other’s gaze and ideals. And I have to smile when I see her completely unaware of the crap she’ll soon be swimming in. Right now, it’s all about the sunshine on her skin.
(And, if anyone has a book recommendation on this please share it! I’d love to curl up with a good body shame crushing book or two.)
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Trish
on Jun 23rd, 2010
@ 8:46 AM:
I think our babies are going through the same thing right now! Must be because they are the same age? And I admit it – I’ve had those same feelings you mention.
Trish´s last blog ..Formula for natural, child-led reading
Hillary
on Jun 23rd, 2010
@ 10:04 AM:
So weird you posted this today b/c I was thinking of this just this morning as I watched my two naked boys running around. They have a constant hands on approach with their genitals and I’ve never blinked twice. Then I had a flashback to when I was a nanny. The girl was about 4-5 when she would just sprawl out watching tv with her hands down her pants. Her parents and I decided to do the, “Hey, that’s super cool-but it’s private. Why don’t you go to your room if you want to explore.” At the time we thought we were very hip and feminista. Now my oldest is 5.5 and I’m thinking about that double standard. Why aren’t I sending him to his “private room”. Is it a learning curve or a different standard?
Lots of questions.
Melodie
on Jun 23rd, 2010
@ 10:47 AM:
No book recommendations but my 3 yo daughter does this too. I don’t generally feel that uncomfortable about it in the presence of family but since I have a daycare she sometimes does it around other kids (older than her) and that makes me very uncomfortable because I don’t want to wind up with a show-me-yours-and-I’ll-show-you-mine kind of situation on my hands.
Melodie´s last blog ..So This is PMS…
Sevan
on Jun 23rd, 2010
@ 4:15 PM:
My first thought was along the line sof what Melodie said. It’s sad that her exploration could easily turn into a draw for others….such a fine line. She shouldn’t have to hide, or be ashamed…however due to anatomy…little boys can just reach down their pants, where as…just as you said here, little girls are more apt to fully splay their legs to get a good look. Which allows everyone around to have the same view. *sigh* Fine fine lines. I definitly don’t have any answers for ya.
Sevan´s last blog ..Looking back