I considered giving this post a witty and slightly mysterious title, something that would make it not quite clear what I was going to talk about before you then the post. Then I decided fuck it, if I’m going to inspire blind hatred and fake-pity based on preconceived ideas about me I might as well do it from the start.
Yes, I had an abortion. Me, a mother of three, the one that co-sleeps and breastfeeds and using slings and gives birth at home. Me, the one in a long-term relationship with the same man, with no serious illnesses, not desperately poor. Me. The one that probably doesn’t fit into your idea of what a woman who does “that” looks like.
I’m not a young, poor, stupid slut. I don’t hate kids, or hate being a mother. Because in the all the negative stereotypes that get laid out, the reality says that most women who have abortions are like me. Mothers, just doing what they need to do.
It didn’t change me, or traumatize me, or make me cry. I found out I was pregnant, knew it was the wrong time, called the nearest clinic, went to my appointment, and went home. The whole thing was about as exciting as a pap smear.
And here’s the thing. What I did, what I choose, was about me, my family, my life, my feelings, my heart, my plans, my future, my existence. Your god, holy book, ideals, and believes have no place inside of that. Really, they don’t. I didn’t need your acceptance to get pregnant, and I didn’t need it to end it. Neither does any other woman in the world.
The female body is one of the most regulated things today. We have laws to let us breastfeed our babies when they are hungry. We have laws to let us give birth without intervention. We have laws to let us end a pregnancy. For thousands of years women have been walking around breastfeeding, giving birth at home with whomever they wanted present, and taking herbs to stop a pregnancy at the wrong time. Yet now, suddenly, we need to be monitored and labeled and have laws created to allow us to do with or bodies what you will allow us to do.
I’ve breastfed my toddler on the park bench on a warm summer afternoon. I’ve pushed my baby out in my bathroom with no one but my partner there. And I’ve have an abortion. And none of those things, none of them, needed your acceptance/permission/religion.
I had an abortion. It was no big deal. I’m not depressed about it. And I don’t care if you like it or not.
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KushielsMoon
on May 31st, 2010
@ 2:44 PM:
Thank you for sharing your story!
VDog (Victoria)
on May 31st, 2010
@ 2:45 PM:
Apparently some people don’t realize that women can make *rational* decisions. FOR THEMSELVES.
VDog (Victoria)´s last blog ..I heart Etsy – May Flowers by @kaisermommy
Anji
on May 31st, 2010
@ 4:12 PM:
Excellent post, Summer. Thanks for sharing. <3
Sarah
on May 31st, 2010
@ 6:40 PM:
You are very brave for sharing this and risking judgment. And you are right it is no one else’s place to tell you what you can and cannot do for your body and what decisions you can or cannot make for your life.
As a young mother, now single but at the time in a not-so-great relationship I thought about the idea myself, even got local reading material from a local clinic…
In the end I heard my daughter’s heartbeat and decided there was no way I was living without her! Basically I have never looked back… but I do not judge those mothers that choice different from me!
Sarah´s last blog ..Steps of a Sugar Plum Faerie
Christine
on May 31st, 2010
@ 11:44 PM:
Must be in the air. Michael and I had a long discussion today about abortion … as we sat near our van … down by the river.
Started because I am going to my 20th class reunion this month. One of my former classmates called me a “baby killer” a few months ago on Facebook, after discovering I voted for Obama.
I’m taking lots of alcohol.
Christine´s last blog ..Freaks make the world go round
summerm
on Jun 1st, 2010
@ 12:49 AM:
Baby killer, one of my favorite insults. *rolls eyes*
Olivia
on Jun 1st, 2010
@ 11:50 AM:
Great post, and thank you for speaking out. Every time someone can speak out and try to dispell the myths is important.
Janet
on Jun 20th, 2010
@ 4:46 AM:
This is a great post and I thank you for writing it!
Janet´s last blog ..Breastfeeding, not special, just normal.
Dionna @ Code Name: Mama
on Jun 20th, 2010
@ 11:58 AM:
“The female body is one of the most regulated things today. We have laws to let us breastfeed our babies when they are hungry. We have laws to let us give birth without intervention. We have laws to let us end a pregnancy. For thousands of years women have been walking around breastfeeding, giving birth at home with whomever they wanted present, and taking herbs to stop a pregnancy at the wrong time. Yet now, suddenly, we need to be monitored and labeled and have laws created to allow us to do with or bodies what you will allow us to do.”
This thought stopped me in my tracks. I’d love for you to expand on it.
And thank you for sharing your experience.
Dionna @ Code Name: Mama´s last blog ..Kardashian’s Call to Cover Up
Who Own's a Woman's Body (Pt.1) | Finding Summer
on Jul 2nd, 2010
@ 9:06 AM:
[...] month when I wrote about my abortion, I made the statement The female body is one of the most regulated things today. We have laws to [...]
Sandra Mort
on Jul 5th, 2010
@ 1:10 PM:
100% agreement. I wasn’t married but it just wasn’t the right time. And now I’ve got four who were conceived at the right time. My family, my choice.