Hello World, I’m Crazy

Another therapy day, another day of talking about the ups and downs that I feel. But this time was different, it came with an absolutely. After shuffling back and forth, hinging on the word “possible”, they finally decided to make an official diagnosis. Bipolar.

That’s right kids, I’m officially crazy now. I hope I get a plaque to frame and hang on the wall.

Somewhere between happy, and total fucking wreck
Feet sometimes on solid ground, sometimes at the edge
To spend your waking moments simply killing time
Is to give up on your hopes and dreams and give up on your..

Life for you has been less than kind
So take a number, stand in line
We’ve all been sorry, we’ve all been hurt
But how we survive is what makes us who we are

- Survive by Rise Against

Having an official diagnosis almost makes it easier. There is no longer a possible this, possible that. I know exactly what demon I have to battle, so now I can find the right weapons to use. Knowing what you are up against is half the battle.

The diagnosis was not exactly unexpected. My mother was bipolar, and I saw a lot of my own ups and down mirroring her’s. The manic days when I baked for hours without resting. The down days when I could barely crawl off the couch. Times when my mind was running 100 miles per hour, times when I barely remembered what day it was. Though I never talked about it, I am pretty sure it was easy to see when you looked.

But now, I can be more stable. I have my medication, my support, my therapist, and my kids. I can quit flying up and down on a whim, and when those moments come I have people to talk to. I feel less like I should be hidden away in the attic, more open about my issues. About my mental state.

So, here I am. One big ball of crazy with dreadlocks on top. Whew, just saying that feels better already.

Tags: bipolar, crazy, depression

Summer is a freelance writer and mother of 3, searching for herself amongst the Legos and blocks. After moving a couple hundred miles away from home, and fighting a few dragons, she's figuring out that she needs to be her own biggest fan to get through the world.


Subscribe to this blog via RSS Feed or Email.