If you’re a mom working outside the home, chances are you’re familiar with working mom’s guilt. Missing events like the first word, soccer games, and helping with homework can add up to a lot of negative feelings over the years. It’s important to remember, though, that not only are these emotions completely normal, but a working mother’s role is incredibly important to every member of the family, including your child.
It’s important for you—and your child—to understand exactly why you’re working instead of staying at home. Hopefully, you love your job. Your salary helps make possible certain activities and privileges for your child. Especially in this economic climate, it’s extremely difficult to re-enter the job market after taking years off to raise a family. Trust yourself and your reasons for staying at work. If it helps, write them down on a list to pull out anytime guilt strikes. Be open with your children about why you don’t always have a lot of time to spend with them, but make sure they know that you are always there for them and your time together is so important to you.
Unfortunately, sometimes guilt comes from an outside source (experience indicates it’s usually an in-law). If you can, simply avoid people that make you feel uncomfortable about your choice. If you can’t, put the comment in perspective. An older woman may have raised her children in a different social environment; she might even feel bitter about giving up her own career or being dependent on her partner for money. Most people who make these comments won’t recognize or don’t share your reasons for remaining at work. If you want to confront the issue, calmly share your list with them, and it might diffuse the speaker’s impulse to comment.
Take advantage of the time you do have and go the extra mile for your child. Every once in a while, set aside a weekend day with no other obligations as “Mommy and me” time. Plan activities you can both enjoy, or let an older kid plan a special day for the two of you. If you can’t manage a whole day, set aside an evening or two a week. If your child stays home sick, have a movie marathon together instead of leaving them alone in bed.
It might sound simple, but the most important thing to realize is that working away from home does not in any way diminish your capacity to be a mother. Every parent, whether they stay at home or not, faces challenges. You are working to support the lifestyle that your kid will grow up in, and even if it’s sometimes hard to believe, they will understand and appreciate that.
Margaux Cameron is a guest blogger for My Dog Ate My Blog and writes about online college for Guide to Online Schools.
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