I got my divorce paperwork in the mail, finally. It says I’m allowed to call the kids at any reasonable time and talk to them. So at 3:00 in the afternoon, on a Saturday, I called. That seemed reasonable.
Instead I was screamed at, told I’ll never be allowed to talk to or see my kids again, that no one loves me, and I should just die.
She (Michael’s mother) told me to just go kill myself, that no one cares. That no one online talks to me anymore, that my friends hate me.
She told me to just kill myself.
And I want to, so badly. I want to.
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Becca_Masters
on May 7th, 2011
@ 3:49 PM:
What a horrible bitch!
I’m assuming you’ve had a lawyer sort your divorce? I’d get back on to them and send a letter to your ex!
How horrid to say that to someone. I’d love to go over and give her a bloody good smack in the mouth.
You stay strong. Your life is worth something.
Becca_Masters´s last blog ..the Birthday Bag
J.
on May 7th, 2011
@ 3:59 PM:
Summer, I wish I could just arop you in my arms and help make it all better. That is a horrible way for someone to treat another person regardless of what has been done in the past. You are a wonderful person and you should have a right to speak to your children and I hope and pray that it happens soon.
Nina
on May 7th, 2011
@ 4:01 PM:
Who said that to you?? No one has the right to say that to you! You have the right to speak to your children, and for supervised visits! Get yourself a lawyer, legal aid, something, girl! You are worth much more than this. YOU ARE WONDERFUL! YOU ARE LOVABLE! YOU ARE VALUABLE!!!
SaraOFlaherty
on May 7th, 2011
@ 4:15 PM:
Who the hell is ‘she’, and what right does she have to do it?
I know this is hard to think of, but you have more power in your hands than you realize. You have written proof from the court that you ARE ALLOWED TO SEE YOUR CHILDREN. You are allowed to call them. You are allowed to go to their school functions.
They are refusing to allow you any contact with the kids, despite a court order. There is a term for this- CONTEMPT OF COURT. USE IT.
Start calling every day, once a day. Document the times. Use Google Voice and you can record these calls. Document everything that is said. The court can make them comply with the divorce terms, and you don’t need a lawyer to do it. Give it a couple of weeks of them hanging up on you and if they don’t allow you to talk to the kids, file a motion of contempt with the court. It’s then up to them to answer as to why they are going against the court order and not allowing you contact.
And I’ll be brutally honest about something Summer, lawyer or no lawyer, you need to get your ass back to Oklahoma where those kids are. You have been granted supervised visitation, and if you aren’t there to take it, he WILL eventually try to take what little rights you have left by saying you abandoned them.
Start with the phone calls. It’s not much, but it’s a start.
SaraOFlaherty´s last blog ..How to Tell When to Forward an Email
Elizabeth
on May 7th, 2011
@ 4:39 PM:
Summer,
I agree with everything Sara said. I’ve been in family court more times than I ever thought I would be, but that’s beside the point right now.
Get that one word in your head right now: CONTEMPT. He is IN CONTEMPT. Google it. Research it. Begin learning all you can about the family court laws for Oklahoma, and USE THEM.
It’s time for tough love, baby. Now that we know more of what your divorce paperwork says/entails (even if it’s not perfect, at least you have it in writing now that YOU ARE ALLOWED TO SPEAK TO, AND SEE, YOUR CHILDREN), those of us who have been through it (regardless of which side of the playing field we’re on) are going to be on your ass to do what’s best for your kids. WHICH MEANS SEEING THEIR MOTHER. It doesn’t matter what “she”, or your ex-husband, thinks of you. Do you hear me? IT DOESN’T MATTER. Get your ass back to Oklahoma where your kids are.
Tough love. Are you with me ladies and gents? Summer needs some tough love.
Summer
on May 7th, 2011
@ 4:47 PM:
The only problem with going back to Oklahoma is that here there are resources where I can get my meds for free and get my therapist super cheap ($5 per session). I’ve looked but haven’t found similar things in OK. I know that without my meds and without therapy I’ll get worse, and then will be no good to my kids at all. I need to stay here until I can get my brain fixed and figure out a way to get the services I need in OK. Gas station jobs don’t tend to pay enough for $200 therapy sessions and $400 a month medications.
Jill P.
on May 7th, 2011
@ 5:20 PM:
What a disgusting, ugly-hearted, horrible excuse for a human being. How dare “she” (and who is this “she,” anyway?) say that to you. How dare she say that to ANYONE?? What kind of blackness puts those words into someone’s mouth? I’m appalled.
I agree with the commenters who said that Micheal and anyone assisting him in keeping your children away from you are violating a court order and that is SERIOUS BUSINESS. Sara has some great advice. That is something you can start doing right now, while trying to sort yourself out and figure out what resources are available to you in OK.
Don’t waste another minute letting “her” or anyone else manipulate you and say such disgusting things to you and disobey the court in keeping you from your kids. It’s not right. And you can change that. The law is in YOUR favor, NOT theirs. They are the ones in the wrong!
Jill P.
on May 7th, 2011
@ 5:24 PM:
Hit submit too soon…. THIS IS YOUR LEGAL RIGHT. Start acting like you deserve it, because you DO. Who gives a flying fuck whether or not some nasty, rotten-soul bitch likes you. I’m betting they figure if they keep trying to keep you down, that you won’t bother to follow through with your LEGAL RIGHTS. Don’t prove them right. Show them just how far they can go fuck themselves when you assert yourself and go after your LEGAL RIGHTS. Do I need to say it again? LEGAL RIGHTS!
Brendazzle*
on May 7th, 2011
@ 5:36 PM:
Ignoring everyone else’s sound legal advice for a moment, I think your former mother-in-law should be stabbed in the eye socket for saying such awful things to you. It’s no wonder your ex is being such a jerk when he has such a poor example of humanity in his mother.
If you can’t get help there, then you may need to stay where you are. But make sure that when you drive out to visit, your ex doesn’t stand in your way of you seeing your kids. (Notice the repetition of ‘you’… it’s because you have rights and a document to prove it.)
Don’t kill yourself, in part because that would give the bitch the satisfaction of being right. Survive and thrive and beat her by being the best you can be.
Brendazzle*´s last blog ..first thing in the morning 52-18
BriaGrace
@ redandblackriot
on May 7th, 2011
@ 6:26 PM:
Okay. I did a little digging. You (you don’t need a lawyer) can file a motion for enforcement of non-custodial parent visitation rights with the family court in the county your ex resides in. Here is that form: http://forms.justia.com/oklahoma/statewide/district-court/general/motion-for-enforcement-of-non-custodial-parent-32248.html
Here is what Oklahoma law says about the process: http://oklegal.onenet.net/oklegal-cgi/get_statute?99/Title.43/43-111.3.html
Next time I call, I would put your phone on speaker and record the conversation. Also keep a written log of when you try to call and the response.
As far as meds in Oklahoma (if you do need to go back there), the drug companies have programs where you can get your drugs for free. Check into them.
And, on a non-legal note, your ex and his mom sound like total douchecanoes. You deserve contact with your kids and they deserve contact with you.
SaraOFlaherty
on May 7th, 2011
@ 7:48 PM:
Summer, does Oklahoma not have medicaid? They will usually cover 100% of any therapy and medications needed.
SaraOFlaherty´s last blog ..How to Tell When to Forward an Email
Summer
on May 7th, 2011
@ 7:59 PM:
Yes, but when I was there previously I did not qualify for several reasons. Even here in Texas I do not qualify for Medicaid, I am on a city-sponsored program.
Sybil
on May 7th, 2011
@ 8:10 PM:
Summer, I have never read anything that has made me so angry. Keep fighting. KEEP FIGHTING.
Fairly Odd Mother
on May 7th, 2011
@ 8:29 PM:
Summer, I am so sorry you had to hear that from that wretched excuse of a human being, but I also smiled a bit to see the WRATH of your readers descend upon her with support and advice. I’ve read your writing for a long time and you are so smart—keep at it, don’t EVER give up. You are their mother and you have a right to speak with them.
Chantelle
on May 7th, 2011
@ 8:30 PM:
Don’t listen to her. You are valuable. You are loved by God and others. Never give up!
Chantelle´s last blog ..surviving Mother’s Day
Luann
on May 7th, 2011
@ 11:24 PM:
I always wondered if there was another side to this, and if all the talk of ‘honesty’ was really valid…Summer, what’s really going on?? It’s hard to help when we don’t know the truth. I’ve struggled with mental illness for years and I want to be there for a fellow sufferer, but being upfront is important.
Layla Payton
on May 8th, 2011
@ 1:32 AM:
You are loved. Your value is priceless. Never allow someone who treats you less than human to have any place in your being. Don’t allow their hatefulness to swallow you. Those are all lies…PURE EVIL. You can rise above this, you are stronger than you know. Your children NEED you. No one can take your place. NO ONE. I will pray for you to find peace, answers, and comfort. You are doing the right thing, by seeking help. This does not make you weak, it proves how STRONG you are!
Layla Payton´s last blog ..Haiku for my Mom
SaraOFlaherty
on May 8th, 2011
@ 8:28 AM:
Ok, I see, it seems you generally can’t get medicaid unless you are pregnant or have dependant children that live with you. CRIPES they make it hard for the average poor person don’t they? The lone exception seems to be if you have high medical bills, but you can’t have those without racking them up in the first place. Keep looking Summer, something will come up.
I mostly wanted to pop back by this morning and wish you a Happy Mothers Day. Whether or not you feel like one right now, you ARE still their mother. You are in a really hard place right now, and I know what it’s like feeling like you have been stripped of the mom role with nothing to fill the space. Trust me when I say this is temporary. You will rebuild, both your own life, and your relationship with your kids. I know today it’s easy to think of how low things are, but the real thing to focus on is that it’s only going to be ‘up’ from here. You’ve seen the lowest your life can go, and you survived. Work on getting strong for your kids, so next year can be better
SaraOFlaherty´s last blog ..How to Tell When to Forward an Email
Rashel
on May 8th, 2011
@ 9:55 AM:
I’m sorry to this say this but your ex-mil is a fucking bitch. She has no right to speak to you like that and is TOTALLY wrong telling you that your children don’t need you and you might as well be dead. This is the kind of thing that will make getting them back easier. I mean, who says that? What kind of cold-hearted, no-feeling person says those things?! I can’t imagine anything you could have done that was so bad for her to say those awful things. You need to record these incidents and keep a record. When your children grow up they’ll want to know that you *did* try and contact them, that you didn’t abandon them, that what they were told wasn’t true. This person should not have custody of your children, she’s is causing them irreparable harm. She should be supervised and anyone who is turning your children against you and lying to them and telling you you’ll never see them and should die, should not be allowed to be with your children unsupervised. Your ex and his mother are harming your children. But the best revenge is to LIVE, to thrive! Keep calling them everyday, keep trying to contact them, keep taking your meds and getting better so that you can have them back in your arms, sooner then you think. Stay strong, there are people who love you, don’t listen to your MIL, get her voice out of your head, she is only trying to destroy you, don’t listen, she’s lying. *hugs*
Dawn
on May 8th, 2011
@ 12:37 PM:
What a horrible thing to say to someone. No matter why your kids were taken, you do not deserve to die. I came to wish you a Happy Mama’s Day. I hope you are able to speak with your kids soon. You are still their Mama, and they need you, they surely don’t need someone like your ex-mil taking care of them.
Jana
on May 9th, 2011
@ 7:39 AM:
I agree with everyone, Summer. This woman is pure evil for saying that to you and is legally in the wrong for not allowing you to talk to your children. I also applaud you for knowing you need to get yourself better first and then you can be a better mother to your children. Good for you! That is the sign of a true mother — one who puts the needs of her children first. You must document everytime you try to call and are not allowed to speak to them. You are strong and can do this. Someday your children will know the truth!
I am praying for you Summer!
Many Blessings today!
Mackenzie
on May 9th, 2011
@ 3:02 PM:
Michelle, in her blog post, Summer did not say that your mother said things to the children. Everything Summer said, she stated was said to her. That YOUR MOTHER told her she would never see her children again. She said that YOUR MOTHER told her no one loves her. She said that YOUR MOTHER told her she should die. That she should kill herself. I do not care what
the other side” is. A person that says such things gets NO respect in my book. YOUR MOTHER is a horrible person for saying those things.You just don’t get to say those things and still be a good person. You just don’t. Did she allow Summer to speak to the kids AS PER THE LEGALLY BINDING document? Is she allowing Summer her visitation as per that document? She can’t be as she told Summer that she’d never see the kids again. Anything else is worth fuck all to me.
Paris
on May 9th, 2011
@ 7:31 PM:
I’m confused! What happened for your children to be taken away from you? What is going on?
Holly
on May 10th, 2011
@ 1:10 PM:
Dear Summer,
I only recently came across your blog through another friend of mine who mentioned one of your posts. I honestly wanted to reach out to you and encourage you but truthfully am wading through some of my own muck right now and have had a hard time doing anything but just surviving myself.
I can’t imagine anyone speaking to another person in the way you described your ex’s mother speaking to you. However I am learning more and more how very sheltered I have been. There are worlds out there that have never directly touched me and I am shocked to find they exist. Just found out last night that child trafficking is a huge problem right here in my own town. SHOCKED! anyway, my heart goes out to you as you bravely share your journey online and battle bipolar, labels, rejection and overcome, minute by minute. It is a fight worth fighting because the reward is so great. There is much at stake.
Have you ever read the book Redeeming Love, by Francine Rivers? It is a fictional account based on the book of Hosea in the Old Testament.
Hosea was a prophet and the Lord told him to take a prostitute as his wife. Pretty shocking stuff. This book literally had me weeping. I too am the prostitute in SO MANY ways. I highly recommend it if you’ve never read it. It will likely make you cry, but it isn’t a sad, depressed cry, but an oh my goodness could God really and truly love me like that, in a sacrificial way despite all I have done kind of way!
Blessings,
Holly
Lisa
on May 10th, 2011
@ 3:57 PM:
Eventually the kids will figure out what kind of a person their paternal grandmother is, unfortunately that doesn’t help you now. You are the children’s mother and that relationship should be supported by anyone that cares about those kids. Hang in there, there are plenty who do care! Thinking of you and wishing you better times to come.
Denise
on May 13th, 2011
@ 9:15 AM:
Summer
I had a rather out there thought, may or may not help but worth checking into I think. Child services may be able to help with getting therapy, housing & whatever other services you may need in order to be in OK. I’m not suggesting filing a false report & I’m not sure if they will offer any services without an actual report- but their job is to provide services to families, if nothing else they can probably point you to programs you haven’t found on your own.
Best of luck honey & to hell with your XMIL, she’s a horrible person & you’re not.