photo credit: DaizyB

If you’re a mom working outside the home, chances are you’re familiar with working mom’s guilt. Missing events like the first word, soccer games, and helping with homework can add up to a lot of negative feelings over the years. It’s important to remember, though, that not only are these emotions completely normal, but a working mother’s role is incredibly important to every member of the family, including your child.

It’s important for you—and your child—to understand exactly why you’re working instead of staying at home. Hopefully, you love your job. Your salary helps make possible certain activities and privileges for your child. Especially in this economic climate, it’s extremely difficult to re-enter the job market after taking years off to raise a family. Trust yourself and your reasons for staying at work. If it helps, write them down on a list to pull out anytime guilt strikes. Be open with your children about why you don’t always have a lot of time to spend with them, but make sure they know that you are always there for them and your time together is so important to you.

Unfortunately, sometimes guilt comes from an outside source (experience indicates it’s usually an in-law). If you can, simply avoid people that make you feel uncomfortable about your choice. If you can’t, put the comment in perspective. An older woman may have raised her children in a different social environment; she might even feel bitter about giving up her own career or being dependent on her partner for money. Most people who make these comments won’t recognize or don’t share your reasons for remaining at work. If you want to confront the issue, calmly share your list with them, and it might diffuse the speaker’s impulse to comment.

Take advantage of the time you do have and go the extra mile for your child. Every once in a while, set aside a weekend day with no other obligations as “Mommy and me” time. Plan activities you can both enjoy, or let an older kid plan a special day for the two of you. If you can’t manage a whole day, set aside an evening or two a week. If your child stays home sick, have a movie marathon together instead of leaving them alone in bed.

It might sound simple, but the most important thing to realize is that working away from home does not in any way diminish your capacity to be a mother. Every parent, whether they stay at home or not, faces challenges. You are working to support the lifestyle that your kid will grow up in, and even if it’s sometimes hard to believe, they will understand and appreciate that.

Margaux Cameron is a guest blogger for My Dog Ate My Blog and writes about online college for Guide to Online Schools.

photo credit: pawpaw67

(This is a post I found on EzineArticles and thought it was worth sharing. Enjoy!)

Unsocialized

“How do they get socialized?” This is a question that almost every homeschooling family hears, and we hear it often. Most of us have become accustomed to politely answering it by explaining that our children have co-ops and dance classes and sports and other activities etc. I have found myself repeating this same polite answer more times than I can count over the years – until recently.

Recently, another Mom asked the inevitable question “What school do your kids go to?” I explained first that we are Independently Educated (a term I coined some years ago that I feel better describes what we do) but that just evoked a baffled expression, so I smiled and said “We homeschool”. Naturally this was met by the inevitable “Oh, I see” and then I just waited…and sure enough within a minute the next question came “So how do they get socialized?” (Never mind the irony that this question came at an actual social event, which is often the case)

Now, I’ve answered this question literally hundreds of times over the years but today was different. Today, I had an epiphany. As I opened my mouth to begin to recite my rehearsed response about how the kids join homeschool groups and co-ops and have activities that they do in order to get socialized, I stopped. I stopped because I realized that I’m lying. That’s right; I’m totally full of it!

It occurred to me suddenly at that moment, that as Independent Educators, our children are not in-fact, ‘socialized’ whatsoever. Many adults today have been socialized and as a result many of us are walking around with social anxiety issues having had any healthy ability to interact with human beings schooled right out of us. Alas my husband and I were both thankfully among many fortunate enough to have broken free of the experience and now we’ve successfully avoided having to subject our children to this bizarre process of being socialized. And I call it a process because that is truly what it is isn’t it?

This time, the question sounded so strange to me. “How do they get socialized?” Get socialized? I considered all of the times that I’ve been asked that exact question and the words echoed in my mind. I also recalled even more bizarre wording of another popular question from those who where particularly aghast “Aren’t you afraid they will end up being unsocilalized?”

Unsocilalized? Well that’s a whole new term now isn’t it? It sounds like a terrible syndrome “That poor child is unsocialized” Eeek! Hmmm… the word itself got me thinking and was I ever relieved when I realized that we are indeed unsocialized!

It’s true. We are an independent education family and as such our kids do not get ‘socialized’. Oh, they meet people, they make friends, and they have a packed calendar for sure as well as unlimited time to experience their world. Sure, they have a pretty healthy social life. But what they are not is “socialized”.

So in response to the question asked on that particular day “How do they get socialized”, after a long enough pause to experience this epiphany, I responded honestly and emphatically: “they don’t!” And I felt wonderfully liberated for having admitted it!

The other Mom wasn’t amused, and appeared both exasperated and confused but decided to discontinue our conversation and politely distracted herself with her cell phone. I’m guessing she was probably texting someone about the crazy homeschooling lady she’d just met at the community pool. It didn’t matter to me, I was delightfully reveling in my new epiphany and pondering the very idea of ‘socialization’.

The word itself suddenly sounded creepy to me! I mean, yikes! What did it even mean? “Socialized”? It sounds like a procedure to be performed. Is it an injection? A pill? Is it an exercise? I felt a sudden repulsion to the very term.

Here are the definitions of the word:

- to train for a social environment; “The children must be properly socialized”
- make conform to socialist ideas and philosophies
- the adoption of the behavior patterns of the surrounding culture
- under group or government control; “socialized ownership”

adapt.. conform… assimilate… these terms made me shudder and I decided that it’s just not for me, thanks! The word itself insinuates a process of indoctrination – something that we homeschoolers have purposely chosen to avoid. No thanks!

It appears to be a pretty common assumption that a child must be enrolled in a traditional education system in order to meet people or make a friend, or learn how to communicate with other human beings. For some reason, it’s a popular belief that this is the sole opportunity for interaction and there is nothing but a vacuum of space and time between the home and the school building.

A typical child attending the typical school spends approximately six hours per day, five days per week, thirty eight weeks per year away from their family and in an educational institution, having information downloaded into them. While these children are busy getting socialized, there is an entire world of life continuously unfolding beyond those doors. Our world provides an unlimited potential for learning and growth and exploration as well as unlimited opportunity to meet people.

I am proudly exclaiming that I don’t want my kids to ‘get socialized’. I want them to experience life. I enjoy that my children have developed a very natural ability to make friends without being deliberately plunked into a room full of other similar children. Because they have more time to explore and interact and learn from the actual ‘real world’ that exists beyond the walls of a classroom, they are able to form relationships organically and naturally, without regulation or method or borders. What’s more, they have the freedom and the time to grow and experience life by actually experiencing life, instead of getting socialized.

Yes folks, we are happily, uniquely and wonderfully unsocilaized! And we wouldn’t want it any other way!